I must apologize but I foresee future entries being of the depressing and forlorn kind...

When I say 'Bye darling. I love you' my heart breaks a little each time and mends whenever I get the chance to say 'Hello sayang.'

To date, my heart has endured countless heartbreaks and repair. Yet, it will not falter in its love for him.

I really need you so bad at this moment.

At some point, we all start to plateau... I think this is it for me.

It's mid-October. My assignment deadlines are one after another. I've been skipping lectures. Why? I don't know. Motivate me.

what my heart desires

It's those calls I miss, the daily calls at night, when everyone's asleep and it's just us, just you and me. When we share with each other details of our day, when we talk of our hopes and dreams and expectations of the future, when you sing me to sleep and I fall asleep holding on to your voice.

I miss you.

And it sucks so much not to have you here with me. I'm trying to be strong dear. But tell me, how can I? How do I survive 10 months of this? I need you.

I haven't cried. Until now. I couldn't even complete my solat because I was crying so hard. Everytime I pray, I think of you. You're the first person I offer my doa too. I pray for you faith and safety and good health and for you to come back to me quickly.

I miss you... I miss you so much syg.

I miss you so much.

But, the funny thing is.. I miss you and yet, I haven't shed a tear since I last saw you at the airport.

Truly, my favourite picture of us.

This is love.

Because he is my past, my present, my future.
Because he is my everything.

Because I see forever in his eyes.

I'm only updating because I'm super super bored and also because my boyfriend refuses to come online and talk to me. He says since I'm in school, I should just go study. But I've already explained many many times that there's no studying for my major. Hence, I will just whine here and hope for the window to pop saying that "Azry has just signed in." Yes, I believe he will. He'll cave. They all do, eventually.

My heart speaks.

Just to let you know that I'm still here...

I'm trying to find words to describe what I feel, how the past weeks have been nothing short of amazing.. But the words, they don't come. Because truly, nothing can come close to verbalising this emotion within me. And the closest I can find is this:

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy… and the only thing in focus is you and this person, and you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."

- From the movie Never Been Kissed

That. I have that.

Thank you God.